Can't Cry Hard Enough
by drama-queen8
Summary: A songfic about Remus thinking about the loss of a friend. Post OotP COMPLETE


Disclaimer: I do not own these lyrics as they belong to whoever wrote them. As well JK Rowling has all rights to her characters as they are hers. I'm just using these things for my own morbid pleasures.  
  
A/N: The following songfic was inspired by "Can't Cry Hard Enough - William Brothers"  
  
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"I'm gonna live my life  
  
Like every days' the last  
  
Without a simple goodbye  
  
It all goes by so fast"  
  
Remus, tired and forlorn hugged Harry, Ron and Hermione goodbye. He knew they wanted him to stay, but he needed to get away. He needed time away from Hogwarts and the Order. He needed time to think. Time to forget.  
  
"When will you be back?" Harry asked hoping it would be soon.  
  
"I'm not sure," Remus replied.  
  
"Oh." the three students replied sullenly.  
  
"We'll see each other again, and I promise to write," Remus said knowing they didn't want him to leave.  
  
They nodded, though it was clear nothing was going to lift their spirits. He squeezed Harry's shoulder knowing this was especially hard for him then turned and boarded the train. He sat in the last compartment having it all to himself, and sat looking out the window as the whistle blew and the scenery quickly became a blur.  
  
"And now that you're gone  
  
I can't cry hard enough  
  
I can't cry hard enough  
  
For you to hear me now"  
  
As his mind drifted, Sirius' face appeared in the window. He smiled the smile he only gave to Remus, knowing it always made his heart flutter before disappearing. Seeing that smile brought back all the times he spent with Sirius, causing a stray tear to run down his cheek.  
  
The events of late having caused his heart too much despair to allow him much rest, Remus closed his weary eyes. Listening to the rustling of the train moving along the track he drifted into his memories.  
  
"Gonna open my eyes  
  
And see for the first time  
  
I've let go of you like  
  
A child letting go of his kite"  
  
"What -are- you doing Moony?" Sirius asked as he came up beside Remus who was fiddling with a Muggle kite.  
  
Startled, Remus jumped and dropped the kite. Sirius chuckled and picked it up, looking it over.  
  
"I'm trying to get this Muggle kite to fly," Remus replied as he licked his finger and held it to the wind again.  
  
"You're what?" Sirius asked arching an eyebrow. "But that's so simple."  
  
Sirius then took out his wand, pointed it at the kite, said "Wingardium Leviosa" and the kite began floating in the air. Remus sighed, grabbed the kite and turned to Sirius.  
  
"I'm -trying- to do it the Muggle way," he stated before unraveling a bit more of the string, and began running with it into the wind.  
  
He managed to get it off the ground, but it never caught the wind as it hit the ground when he stopped running. Remus sighed, and picked up the fallen kite once again. He just couldn't get it right.  
  
"There it goes up in the sky  
  
There it goes beyond the clouds  
  
For no reason why  
  
I can't cry hard enough  
  
No, I can't cry hard enough  
  
For you to hear me now"  
  
Before he could say that he had officially given up, Sirius had once again taken the kite. This time however, he began running with it at his top speed before flinging it into the air when he felt a gust of wind. It soared higher and higher up into the sky. In fact it kept drifting farther and farther until it was so away that it landed in the Whomping Willow, immediately causing it to attack the kite.  
  
Remus sank to his knees, sighing heavily before burying his face in his hands. He tried to fight the tears that were threatening to escape, but he was failing miserably, just as he had failed at flying a kite. While he kept trying to fight his tears, and cursing to himself Remus didn't hear Sirius wander off or return.  
  
"Buck up Remus. It put up a good fight," Sirius said patting him on the back and handing him the now torn and very battered kite. Remus, seeing the kite sniffled several times before breaking into a full out sob. Startled at his friends' sudden outburst, Sirius knelt down next to him. Hesitantly, he put his arm around Remus' shoulder.  
  
"I'm such a failure," Remus said collapsing into his friends' arms and sobbing into his shoulder.  
  
"I can't do anything right," Remus insisted as Sirius awkwardly held him, as he poured his heart out.  
  
"Now don't go thinking crazy Remus. You're great at a lot of things," Sirius assured him.  
  
"I-I am?" Remus asked wiping away his tears as he looked up at his friend.  
  
Sirius went on to state all the things he was good at, from his great academic skills, to his planning out of their Marauder schemes, and even his friendship in general.  
  
"Gonna look back in vain  
  
And see you standing there  
  
When all that remains is just an empty chair  
  
And now that you're gone  
  
I can't cry hard enough  
  
I can't cry hard enough  
  
For you to hear me now"  
  
Remus was suddenly awoken by the food trolley passing by. He felt a lingering sob from his dream, but held it back. He straightened in his seat only to find Sirius sitting across from him with his feet propped up on the seat next to himself.  
  
Startled, Remus blinked away the tears in his eyes, only to have Sirius disappear once more. Feeling the heavy weight of sorrow for the loss of his best friend and lover, more tears silently slid down Remus' heartbroken face.  
  
"There it goes, up in the sky  
  
There it goes beyond the clouds  
  
For no reason why  
  
I can't cry hard enough"  
  
The burden of his loss pressing heavily on his heart, Remus turned to distract himself with the scene of the countryside. It was such a beautiful day, though everything inside him was a raging storm of despair.  
  
As he stared out the window, something out of the corner of his eye caught his attention. He turned his head to find a kite floating its way up into the clouds. Seeing it flying free a small smile twitched at the corners of Remus' mouth.  
  
"Goodbye," he whispered as the kite disappeared into the clouds, and a final tear fell from his eye.  
  
"No I can't cry hard enough  
  
For you to hear me now"  
  
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FIN 


End file.
